The 5 Stages of Unrequited Donor Love

Ah…Valentine’s Day! Love is in the air! A day set aside for the rosy feelings of love…of passion…of undying commitment…

Well, for many of us who have weathered the storm of numerous Valentine’s past, this was when you really found out who loves you and who was just along for the ride. As the holiday loomed closer, I remember this was the opportune time commitment-phobic suitors would jump ship and head for the hills!

So…how’s your organization’s love life? Are your donor’s ardent suitors, filed with unbridled passion about your mission, or are they “resting on their laurels” i.e. your database.

I know, breaking up is hard to do. Letting go of donors who have fallen out of love with our mission, is gut-wrenching. We let them sit on the database and hope year after year that one of the letters, one of the calls, one of the invitations, will move them to become devoted to our organization again. At what point, do you as a fundraiser, realize this is unrequited love?

The industry data suggests that if they haven’t given in 3+ years, they probably have been lured away into the “arms” of another “lover” or organization. What do you do? You do what any jilted lover does, you go through the 5 stages of loss and grief... (Thank you Dr. Kübler-Ross!)

Denial (they’ll come back, let’s send another letter…)

Anger (I’ve called and called and nothing…!)

Bargaining (maybe if I promise them tickets…?)

Depression (Why don’t they love us anymore…?) and finally…

Acceptance (delete, delete, delete…)

Why delete? Because it’s time to devote your time and attention to those who do love you; to those who “complete” you. It frees you to spend your precious time and energy on those donors who can’t imagine a world without you and the essential services you provide.

So take a leap…. Delete.

#donorstewardship #fundraise #lapseddonors